Big or small, we all make mistakes: it is an inevitable part of life and the human experience. In fact, mistakes teach us to handle feelings such as shame, guilt, fear or sadness … In this BodyCarre article we give you some questions to help the child overcome their mistakes.
The ability to bounce back from life’s difficulties is an essential weapon for everyone: of course, this includes children. Fortunately, children’s mistakes are generally less egregious and less damaging than adults’ mistakes, but with them comes experience and learning too.
To help children with the mistakes they make, by making them learn from them instead of just being something that makes them feel bad, 5 questions can be asked. Take note, they work for adults too! There are things that cannot be avoided, but you can help children to become problem solvers and to be better.
Index
First question: “What has happened?”
Although it may seem obvious, the point is that having all the data on the situation is the first step to understanding what has happened and being able to help the child . Remember: what we want are facts, not feelings. Helping your little one differentiate them will be an important part of their ability to resolve setbacks both now and in the future.
For example, the little one explains to us that “he behaved badly on Maria’s birthday and no one is going to invite him to another birthday again.” Well, this is not a fact, but feelings and the point of view of a single person: your little one. With this answer you have to keep asking to know what really happened: what does the child consider to have been “misbehaving”? Has anyone told you that they are not going to invite you to their party? Possibly, in this example, what happened was simply that another child took a toy that he wanted and began to yell at it in front of everyone, and the rest is simply how the child poses the problem in his head as judge and jury.
Second question: “How do you feel?”
Once we know the facts, it’s time to find out what feelings you have about it. Good or bad, emotions are a vital part of human existence and experience.
Try to get the little one to describe what he is feeling as best he can and help him to name that emotion : especially if he is a very young child, it is difficult for the little one to name the feelings correctly, so it can be very instructive.
Third question: “What have you learned?”
This time we have to distance ourselves a bit from feelings to see the painting objectively . Typically, the child will not be able to understand the whole scene and it may take days or even weeks for a new perspective to emerge from the ashes of a bad experience to teach him a lesson.
The little ones may have it more difficult to find the lesson, do not hesitate to tell a similar story of your life, with what you learned from it, to help them! When a child realizes that something is learned from every mistake, a little light is shed on a situation that seemed to be just bad .
Fourth question: “What will you do differently next time?”
With this question is how you and the little one create an action plan , the two of you together.
We all feel out of control when we make a mistake and see the consequences of our actions … Therefore, having a solid plan for when similar situations arise will give the little one power and security that will help them a lot throughout their lives. .
You sure love to see your self-confidence increase… and we all love when a plan goes well!
Fifth question: “How do you feel now?”
Once the little one has exposed the facts, has spoken about his feelings, has extracted the lessons that had to be learned and has a plan for when similar situations arise, all that remains is to remind the child that “tomorrow will be another day” , full of opportunity and mistakes that are no longer going to be made.
The normal thing is that the child, when faced with this question, says that he feels, at least, somewhat better . And that is wonderful!
Remember: we are all imperfect and we make mistakes, but with the right amount of love and support , your little one will overcome their mistakes stronger and wiser than they were before.
How do you help to overcome the mistakes of your little ones? Do not hesitate to share your concrete experiences to help other moms!
Kathie Sand always saw the world of beauty as the terrain on which to build her professional career, a goal that was clear to her when she was only 15 years old. Her great concern to expand knowledge led her to settle in Paris where she studied hand in hand with the best beauty professionals and with the most advanced techniques for skin care.